Bess

Today I came home from a long day of finals, studying, and emotional turmoil.  I was expecting the apartment to be in its typical "lived in" condition.  Normally this would not be much of an issue, except for the fact that my family was coming the next day for my graduation.

I walked in the door and was utterly in shock.

The living room was picked up, free of clutter.
The kitchen sink was empty, not an unwashed dish in sight.
The dishwasher was empty.
The counters were clean.
The floor was vacuumed.
And the biggest shock of all . . .
My bathroom was clean!

My incredible roommate Bess had cleaned our entire apartment.  She had taken two and a half hours out of her day to bless me. To clean the apartment because she knew I was stressed about finals.

Bess, thank you again for that incredible blessing.

Galatians 5:13

You, my brothers, were called to be free. 

But do not use your freedom to indulge in the sinful nature;

Rather serve one another in love.

Einstein's

Exactly two weeks ago I committed to blogging about something I was thankful for every day until New Years.
Oh, right, then I had finals and graduation.

Even though I have not been blogging I have been keeping a list. And not just a mental list, but an actual list of things I am incredibly thankful for.  I just have not had time to blog about them.

But I just took my first final (I have three to go and a hole lot of studying still between now and Thursday at 4:45), so I'm taking a break and blogging. Woo!

Today I am very thankful for Einstein Bros Hot Chocolate.
Yesterday I was sitting in Einstein's (it is a bagel place on campus) studying accounting.  I was smelling the coffee and the food coming out of there! Even though I am not a coffee drinker, I really like the smell! Anyway, I got a hot chocolate and had an incredible discovery:

Einstein's has the best hot  chocolate on campus. Seriously. 


Good thing I discovered it four days before I graduate! 
Actually, for my wallet's sake it probably is a good thing! 


So today, after my last accounting exam of my life, I treated myself to a cup of Einstein Bros Hot Chocolate and a blog post. 

Off to another full day of studying!

the Thankful project

For the last hour I have been trying to write something that sounded all sophisticated and full of insight about how in this country we don't pay any attention Jesus or being thankful this time of year.  

I think I'm just trying to come up with something clever to preface what God has laid on my heart.  

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! 

Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition,

with thanksgiving, 

present your requests to God.  

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:4-7

I want to rejoice this holiday season.  Rejoice in all the Lord has done in my life, no matter how wonderful or painful.

I want my gentleness to be evident (now that intramurals are over. Kidding, not really).  

A gentleness that denotes an inward grace of the soul, a calmness toward God.  A gentleness that accepts God's dealings in my life considering them as good because they enhance the closeness of my relationship with Him (gentleness definition from Beth Moore's "Living Beyond Yourself").

I want to surrender my anxiousness and concerns to the Lord. I want to present them to Him with a heart that is overflowing with thankfulness and joy.  

And I want Jesus in his grace to guard my heart this season.  I want Him, I need Him, to guard my heart and mind from all the junk that penetrates it during this time of year (in excess of what is already there).  

I don't say this to be all "Oh, look at me. I'm so focused and my heart is totally in the right place". 

Its not.  And it is only by the grace of Jesus that there is any bit of Thankfulness in my heart this holiday season.  Lets face it.  Thankfulness doesn't come easy. Especially when Old Navy and Gap open at midnight on Thursday and my winter wardrobe could use some serious updates.  

What I would love to be focused on this year are the ways I've been blessed. I don't want to go through some cheesy motions of making up things I should be thankful for in order to make myself feel good.  I really want my heart to believe it.  Our hearts follow our actions. If I want my heart to be thankful, I need to practice truly being thankful.  

Here is my plan. Over the next month-ish I want to be committed to sharing at least one thing I am thankful for each day.  I want to go into Christmas "overflowing with thankfulness" (Colossians 2:7).  I want to face the New Year and my new graduate life clothed with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience (Col 3:12) rather than focusing on all of the things I want to change in my life in  the next year.  

Will you do this with me? Will you help keep me accountable? 

I know I cannot stay committed to this on my own. Please, feel free to post a comment and share what you are thankful for! I'm excited to see all of the things the Lord is going to reveal over the next month!

conviction

I am a perfectionist.

I struggle with feeling guilty for things I don't do perfectly and often have trouble letting them go.

That guilt is not from the Lord.

Conviction is from the Lord. Guilt is not.  There is a difference.

Guilt is a from the enemy. It is an attempt to get me to believe that what I did is too big for Jesus to have taken care of on the cross. It makes me try harder and trust my own strength. It makes me feel small and helpless. It brings death.

Conviction is a blessing and a tool the Holy Spirit uses to remind me to stay in step with the Spirit.  It is a way of reminding me what the truth is.  A way to remind me that I am incapable of doing this life without Christ.  It points me to the cross, reminding me that Jesus was already beat up enough for my sin, and that I do not need to beat myself up for it.  It brings freedom. It brings life.

You see the difference. Conviction is not condemnation (Romans 8:1). And it is not guilt.  Jesus died for our guilt.  Conviction is putting my hand on a hot stove and my head saying "hm, that is hot, you should probably move that now before it burns off." It is a good thing. 

Welcome the conviction from the spirit.  Let Jesus rule over the guilt.  

if I can run a mile (part 2)

So yesterday, talking about training got me thinking.
I know that if I want to succeed at running a marathon I need to do the same thing over and over again.
Run.


But looking at my life, and specifically dealing with sin struggles, I want to knock them down the first time. Just once, and then I expect myself to be an expert. That is not realistic.  I have to deal with that sin more than once. More than twice. Probably more than three times.
Thats like saying if I can run a mile I could run 26.

Something a lot of women in my life have shared, and that I think a lot of us deal with, is that we expect ourselves to either struggle with a sin forever, or deal with something once and then it never creeps up again.  Neither alternative is practical.

You do not have to struggle with this same sin forever. It does not rule you. It does not define you. You are able to be free from it. But not on your own strength.  
You are not expected to conquer a sin once and then never struggle with it again.  It takes time to train your heart, no matter what the sin may be.  


Instead of bombarding with a bunch of unconnected verses I'm going to share one of my favorite passages. It is 2 Samuel 21:15-22.  It is full of a lot of hard-to-say names and places, and there are none of those "quotable" verses, if you will.  However, I find it a beautiful picture of the way God deals with our sin struggles.

It takes place during David's reign as King of Israel. It talks about four different battles Israel had with the Philistines.  Just for some quick background, the Philistines were that age old enemy Israel could never seem to defeat (like the girls that you play in of every sport of intramurals and you never seem to be able to beat them).  They are the same Philistines that so many years before produced a giant named Goliath (1 Samuel 17). David had been to battle with the Philistines many times. The Lord had given him victory many times, yet here he was again, about to face another battle.

The passage starts out each battle saying "In the couse of time, there was another battle with the Philistines" "Once again, there was a battle with the Philistines" "In another battle . . ." "In still another battle . . .".

How many times in my life have I felt like that? "And once again I am struggling with this sin." " Well, I failed again dealing with that sin today."  "In other news, I'm struggling with the same thing again."

It gets discouraging.
Real quick.

A girl who was in my Bible study once said to me "I just feel like God is sick of hearing me ask for victory from this. I feel like he is looking at me and saying "really, this again." I feel like eventually he'll just get sick of me asking for freedom from it."

My heart struggles with that. That is for sure.

But thankfully, that is a lie!! 


Read that passage in 2 Samuel and you will find that David struggled with the same enemy over and over and over again. And God gave him victory every time.  
Right after that passage about the battles is David's song of praise.

"He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place;

He rescued me because he delighted in me."

(2 Samuel 22:18-20)

He rescued me because he delighted in me.

Not because I quit struggling with sin, not because I did everything right, not because I totally messed up, not because I asked in the right way . . . because he delighted in me.

Do not allow the enemy a foothold by believing a lie.  

He wants to rescue you. He does not tire of saving you. 

God eventually gave David freedom from the Philistines.  But not on David's time. On God's.  It was not on David's strength either. Those enemies were too strong for him, but not for his God.  

And God did not stop giving David victory just because he was facing the same enemy again.  

He wants to do the same in our lives . . . because he delights in us!!

the neck is not invited to this party (part 1)

Its official.
I have completed my first week of my 25 week marathon training program. Don't get too excited. I only ran a total of 7 miles last week.

Twenty-five weeks is a long time. Six months to be exact.

But training your body to run 26.2 miles takes time. It takes time for your body to adjust to the level of activity that is being demanded of it. It takes time to train your mind to think in a new way. It takes time to train yourself to eat a balanced diet, with lots of carbs, protein, and salt (when you sweat, your body not only loses water but salt as well. That would be why I crave pretzels after I run).

We know it takes time to train our bodies.  We prepare for that change by giving ourselves time to adapt.

I'll be the first to admit I do not have the same patience with my spirit.

When I feel that the Lord wants to teach me something, I want to learn it, understand it, have it down, not struggle with it anymore, and be able to teach it to someone else within a very short period of time.

That is so impractical!

Just like my body needs time to adapt and prepare for a marathon, my heart needs time to change and grow when the Lord is teaching me something.  I need repetition.   I need devoted time.  I need to train in a way that will lead me to success. I need to be committed.  I need to give my all. I need to focus. I need discipline.  I need to put things in my mind that will produce fruit (crap in, crap out).

Another issue is that I need to train correctly.  One of my favorite Jillian Michaels' quotes is "The neck is not invited to this party."  She's explaining how to correctly do a crunch.

But the concept is essential here. If I do 1000 crunches using my neck muscles, my neck might end up looking like Dwayne Johnson's, but my abs will be flabby Patty.  If I am relying on my own interpretation of truth, or someone else's, without backing it up with the truth in scripture, I'm not going to grow.

I'll be the first to admit that I get incredibly discouraged when I don't get something down right away. Or when an old struggle creeps up again (seriously, haven't I dealt with you already?).  But that doesn't surprise Jesus.  He knows exactly what we are struggling with and just how much time it will take us to let truth penetrate our hearts.

Philippians 1:6 says,
"...being confident of this that he who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

He promises to continue to work on our hearts until they are just like him.  We just have to continue training and stay committed.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect,

but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.

But one thing I do:

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Phil 3:12-14

more tomorrow . . .

Louie

So my finger is broken and there is a big ole splint on it. My fingers are taped together so it takes me 15 times as long to type anything.  But I really wanted to blog.

This is a video clip from a message by Louie Giglio. Its only a few minutes long and is one of my favorite messages. It is really powerful.  Even if you've seen it, it is worth watching again.  It makes me cry every time.

Laminin

"For by him all things were created, 

things in heaven and things on earth,

visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities,

all things were created by him and for him.

He is before all things and in him all things hold together."

Colossians 1:16-17

Joe, Kaykay, Lexi, & Malachi

This afternoon we played some football.  My heart is happy (except for the fact that I may have broken my finger.  Its fine.).

We arrived on the fields at World's Fair Park and started throwing the ball around.  We didn't really have a big turn out, and only three of us were there at first.  Well after about 25 seconds two little guys come sprinting over to us.

"Can we play? Can we play?"

The smiles on there little faces were unbelievable.  They just so badly wanted to be included in our game.  We started tossing the ball around the field with them.  A minute or two later their sister and cousin come running over as well.  

Of course at this point, it was time to play a game.  We played boys against girls. It was hilarious, out of control, messy, and so fun!  At one point the little five year old boy looks at me and goes "what ya got gramma?!?" He was hilarious.  

I attempted to make plays for two "big kids" and two six-year-old girls. Our conversations in the huddle sounded a lot like this:

"Ok, Lexi, you run straight. Kaykay, you start on this side, I'm going to turn around and hand you the ball."

"What do I do?"

"Lexi, you just run straight to the end-zone."

"Where's that?"

"Just run straight, right to the tree. But don't go in the road."

"Straight to the bench?"

"Yes."

"Wait, what do I do?" 

"Kaykay, you run behind me and I'm going to give you the ball."

"Okay, then what?"

"Then just run behind me."

"Okay, where are we going?"

"We're going to score!"

One play I told them to all run to the end-zone and I was going to throw it to one of them (the boys were beating us and I was going to throw it to my over 18 counterpart).  We didn't complete the pass, so we were then on defense.  I looked at the girls and told them to do the same thing they did last time.  I meant the last time we were on defense, in which the girls had just guarded each one of the little boys.  After the play I turned around and both the girls were in the end-zone. I realized they did exactly the same thing we had done last time.  I could not help but laugh.  They did exactly what I said! 

One time on a kickoff I caught the ball and handed it to Lexi.  I said, "just run straight that way. Follow me, I'll block for you." That girl was pretty fast for a six-year-old running from 19 year old boy.  She ran about 10 yards, and then realized Dan was chasing her.  She curved around and started running back toward our side.  It was absolutely hilarious.  

This little game of football was actually really enlightening.  

As much as I tried to break things down and explain them to those little girls, it always came down to me very simply saying, "I'm going to hand you the ball and you are going to run as fast as you can in that direction."  

You can't possibly be mad when things go wrong in a situation like that.  Even those times when they ran the wrong way, or thought we were on offense when we were on defense, I turned around, gave them a high five and told them they were doing an incredible job.  The next time I would try harder to explain the play, or give them better direction so that they could understand what they were supposed to do.  

And as much as they thought they had an understanding of the game of football, you can't even compare it to the understanding of that of a college student who plays and watches football in every moment of their spare time.  

Kind of like the Lord.  

As much as I like to think I have an understanding of the situations in my life, I know nothing. And I am most likely running toward my own end-zone.  But he is not going to pick me up and yell at me for running the wrong way.  He'll run to me, give me a high five, a little edification, and then clarify what I am supposed to be doing through His word.  

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, 

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

His thoughts are not my thoughts.  His ways are higher.  He has a greater understanding and a knowledge and wisdom that I will never comprehend.  That is something in which I can rest assured.  

And beyond that I can rest in the fact that He will be explaining how to do life better than I can explain football to a couple first graders.

Re-reader

I am a journaler. And a re-reader. I love going back through old journals, and my current journal, as a reminder of what God has taught me.

I feel like this happens a lot.  It seems like God will show me something in the Word but I don't always get it until later.

This morning my heart was just wrestling with the Lord. He was clearly telling me to trust him, and I was making every excuse in the book.  I was trying to find anything else I could possibly rely on.  In the middle of my quiet time I glanced back in my journal to just a month ago.

I couldn't help but laugh. At myself for being so ridiculous, and also at what was written on the page.

I had been reading Isaiah 3 that day.

See now, the Lord, the Lord Almighty,

is about to take from Jerusalem and Judah both supply and support.  

All supplies of food and all supplies of water,

the hero and the warrior, the judge and the prophet, 

the soothsayer and elder, the captain of fifty and man of rank, 

the counselor, skilled craftsman, and clever enchanter. 

(Isaiah 3:1-2)

Right before that verse I had written,

"God is removing from Israel the things it relies on and puts its trust in."

It amazes me how just a month ago I didn't realize just how significant that was to my life.  

He is asking me to trust him again.  He is asking me to trust him once again for his sovereign plan.  For his will over mine.  For his desires that I don't truly understand.  He wants me to trust him to again lead me through a tough situation that will likely bring me to tears with no glimpse of a future what so ever, but that will ultimately bring me closer to him.  Every time it gets harder.  It is hard to trust a God I can't see with a plan I don't know for a future that is uncertain.  

This is not uncharted territory. I've been in this situation before. But I'm not supposed to sit here and trust past experience. I'm not supposed to trust how much I feel like I've got this under control.  I need to rely on the Lord and solely on him. He wants me to.  He will remove things in our lives that we rely on and put our trust in in order for us to fully trust Him. 

Lets be real here. I'd rather be relying on the Lord than on myself. 

Promise

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

The Lord bestows favor and honor;

No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

I am clinging to this promise right now.  

Even though it may feel like God is holding out on me for certain things I desire, 

those things simply would not be a blessing today.

He withholds no good thing.

Thats a promise.

"If you ask me if I love him, I'd lie"

I love Taylor Swift.
Go ahead, make fun of me if you must, but she is legit.

She has now put out three albums and has still maintained a wholesome image. That is an accomplishment all its own.
I don't claim to be a musical genius by any means, so I'm not going to comment on that aspect of her songs.

I just got her latest cd. It got me thinking. The reason I like T so much (yes, I now fondly refer to her as "T". If we were friends I would call her that. Its fine.) is because of her lyrics.  This cd has some great lyrics!  Great in general, and then just great one liners.

Here are some of my favorites:

"Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you"
-Enchanted

"This is looking like a contest, of who can act like they care less"
-The Story of Us

"She should keep in mind there is nothing I do better than revenge"
(ha)
-Better than Revenge

"The night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same"
"It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age"
"Bring on all the pretenders"
-Long Live

"Cause when you're (insert any age, but its 15 in the song) and somebody tells you they love you, you're gunna believe them"
"In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team"
"Back then I swore I was gunna marry him someday but I realized some bigger dreams of mine"
"When all you wanted was to be wanted, wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now."
-Fifteen

"But I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain"
-The Way I Loved You

"Somebody else gets what you wanted again . . . repeating history and you're getting sick of it"
-Change

"There's no time for tears I'm just sitting here planning my revenge"
-Picture to Burn

"I don't know what I want, so don't ask me. Cause I'm still tryin to figure it out."
-Place In This World

"And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie"
-I'd Lie

The reason I like Taylor Swift so much is because I can identify with her lyrics. She has a way of verbalizing what is going on in a girl's heart through the ups and downs of relationships.  It is fascinating to me.  I'm sure this sounds super cheesy, but I'm totally serious.  I have found myself in (almost) every one of these situations. She just puts what my heart is feeling into words.

As I was driving home tonight I was thinking over this blog.  And I realized something. As much as Taylor Swift can write great songs that speak to what my heart is feeling, God's Word can speak truth to my heart so much more!! Taylor speaks to my emotions, to what I want to feel, what my flesh wants to be okay.  Jeremiah 17:9 (I've probably referenced it before, it is one of my favorites) says our hearts are deceitful.  All of those things I want to feel, all of the emotions I let my heart run away with, are not always true.  As good as it feels to listen to Taylor when something happens, what I need is truth.  Taylor is just going to put a band-aid on the issue.  


What I need is the Lord to step in with truth that my heart has yet to realize.  Truth that will refresh and renew my heart, not sink it deeper into an emotional black hole.  


I'm not saying Taylor is bad. I mean I just shared my border line obsession.  And no, I'm not going to stop listening to Taylor Swift. That is not the point.  


The point is that the place I find truth needs to be the Lord and his Word.  Not a twenty-year-old country/pop/folk artist.  


Let me tell you a little about the Word of God:

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless."
-2 Samuel 22:31


"And the words of the Lord are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times."
-Psalm 12:6


"and you will be called Sought After"
-Isaiah 62:12

"For the word of God is living and active."
-Hebrews 4:12

Stop right there.  Living and active.  The Word of God is living and active. That right there is why I should depend on the Word over anything else.

If you ask me if I love the Word, I totally wouldn't lie.

crap in, crap out

One of the most encouraging things in the world is a friend who makes you want to love Jesus more.  I am blessed with several people in my life like this.

I spent tonight with one of these very special people. Julie was one of the first people I met when I got to UT.  She has remained a faithful and consistent friend since the day we met at the Crusade house more than four years ago.

We spent hours catching up, talking about God, boys, friends, gas, and running.  Every time I talk with Julie I am challenged. Challenged to dive deeper into the Word. Challenged to pursue God and seek Him in a way I haven't already.  I am so thankful for that friendship.

Something we talked about that has been on my heart lately is my mind. More specifically, what is going through it.  It is so easy to let my mind dwell on things, and go places that it just does not need to go. Unfortunately, those thoughts are not limited to just one topic. 

But I've found that whatever I put in my mind consistently is what I am dwelling on.  

My track coach in high school had a favorite phrase: "you put crap in and crap is gunna come out!"

This was how she told us to eat well. Meaning if we were eating bad (which almost any high schooler can get away with because their metabolism is lightning fast), we were going to run poorly.  

Well, the same goes for my mind. When I am putting junk in, I have less control of my thoughts.  

Watching four episodes in a row of Friday Night Lights is going to have me focused on relationships, being quick to get angry, yelling (no joke, every serious conversation ends in people yelling at each other) and romanticizing a life in a small town married to a high school football coach. Seriously. That is ridiculous.  

But if I am spending time in the Word, I am focused on truth, I am trusting the Lord for my future, I am less likely to get upset, and I have a much healthier perspective of the world.  

Here is the kicker:

"But we have the mind of Christ"

1 Corinthians 2:16

I encourage you to read this whole passage (1 Corinthians 2:6-16).

We have been given the wisdom of the Spirit and are not controlled by the flesh. We have the mind of Christ and we need to let him rule! Take every thought captive to Him! Let Him make those lies obedient to the truth (see previous blog war).

Live in and believe that truth today! You have the mind of Christ!!

Gunna be hard to shut us down

I just thought I'd give an update on my flag football season.

Unfortunately, it is over. I have played my last flag football game.

During the last game I had the greatest "pump you up for a flag football game" song ever in my head. You should listen to it while you read.

We'll start with Corec.

Corec is so fun. I just love it. Our team went 1-3. Its fine! It was a blast. We won our last game 43-0. It was great to go out on a W.  And Kelsey and Cory brought Capri Sun and Fruit by the Foot to our last game. It was a blast. Another plus of Corec was getting to play with my brother. He's really good. And I just love being with that guy!

Kels and I with our Capri Sun

My boys team.

Yes, I said boys team. I coached my brother's team.  I mean, as much as a girl can "coach" any guys sports team, I totally did.  And for the most part, they listened to me.  Sometimes I would tell them exactly what the other team was going to do and they wouldn't listen to me. I'd be right, and they'd listen the next time :).  It was really fun, despite the fact that they also went 1-3. The last game was also the win.  They were ahead by a significant margin but the game got called early because the other team had three personal fouls.  After the game was called we stuck around and just messed around for awhile. It as a blast.

Daughters of Lightning.

Daughters of Freaking Lightning . . .
I love it.

We went 5-1-1.  We also played in the 3 on 3 tournament.  I just can't get enough of it. I've been told I'm like a totally different person when I'm playing on my girls' team.  And that if you haven't seen me play flag football, you don't know a whole side of Missy. I'm not going to deny it. I get pretty competitive.

Basically, my team is incredible.  We qualified for playoffs and were ranked third heading into playoffs.  The team we were scheduled to play first we had beat the first week of regular season. We were expecting them to have improved a lot. Not really.  We won 46-6.  It was awesome. Except for the fact that one of our girls tore her ACL.

Giving Coach Daniel a football we all signed

Then we were heading into the semifinals!! whoop! I really wanted to win that game for a number of reasons.  We had never been past the semi's before.  We were playing the BCM for the fourth time in two years.  Every time we have played them it has been close. Like 6-6, 14-7, 12-7 . . . and we were ready to beat them by a significant margin. It was just time.  Well praise the Lord!! We played so stinkin' well, and we beat them 38-0. Yeah. 0. It was awesome!

Li Yin getting a first down

catching for a touchdown

Ruthie being awesome and running past multiple defenders

Amy tearing it up

Catching another touchdown

praying after the game

Finals baby!! Here we come!!
The team we played in the finals was called the Replacements. They are mostly ex-Lady Vols. Like they are not eligible to play their sport anymore and so they are playing flag football. Something like that. Basically they are awesome. And big. Our team is very vertically challenged. At 5'6" and a half I am the tallest on the team.  Last year we played these girls in the semifinals and lost by about 45 points.  We weren't necessarily expecting to win, but we didn't think we would get crushed either.  We were so nervous. I legit almost threw up.

We played that game so stinkin' hard! I don't know that we have ever played that hard or wanted to win a game more. Our defense was absolutely incredible.  It was 0-0 at the half.  You have to understand what a big deal that is. These girls have won every game they have ever played, and have won by like 30 points every time.
 We ended up losing 6-0.  But really, it felt like a win. We kept them to their lowest score ever. It was incredible. So much fun. And I couldn't be more proud. Even though we didn't walk away with a t-shirt, we still felt like champions

Ruthie juking past the fastest girl on their team

Amy being an awesome quarterback

after the finals

with some legends, LE and Tami

War

I would just like to share some truth that has hit home lately.  God is so good.

I've been struggling with some things lately and I couldn't quite put my finger on why.

Things like loneliness and severe insecurity.  Those things are not fun to struggle with.  Yesterday I was blessed to meet with the wonderful woman who mentors me. She is so wise!! She challenged me to realize that I was being lied to, and to find the truth and stop believing those lies. She also told me to go read 2 Corinthians 10:5 and to really study it.  God is so faithful. I've just got to share with you what I've learned.

2 Corinthians 10:5 is a verse I am very familiar with, in fact, I would guess that most people who are walking with the Lord would say they are familiar with it.

As I dove in I just asked the Spirit to reveal it to me in a new way, one that I could see with a fresh perspective, not clouded by past experience or preconceived notions.

Here is that passage:

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have the divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.  

Ok, so those bold words are important.  Were going to look at those.  
War:
There is a war going on that we don't realize most days.  While studying this passage I had Chuck Smith's commentary open on Blue Letter Bible. Its great. You should read the whole thing on this verse because it is incredibly enlightening, and also true.
Basically, "we do not and cannot imagine the extent to which spiritual warfare is being waged in the universe around us."  That may sound a little extreme, but it is SO true.  Daniel 10 talks about this battle even more.  Daniel had prayed and fasted because he was seeking an answer from the Lord.  It says he prayed and fasted for 21 days.  An angel comes to him and tells him that "Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.  But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days.  Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia". An angel, a messenger of the Lord was held captive and unable to complete his mission because of the spiritual war being waged.  Yes, it is still happening.  

demolish:
Demolish (according to dictionary.com) means to destroy or ruin on purpose, to ruin utterly, to put an end to.
arguments:
Those are arguments of the truth.  They are lies and ploys of the enemy to make me stop believing truth.
pretension:
This means to make a claim of something, whether indirectly or by implication.

The enemy is trying to claim my heart by putting lies in there, by arguing with the truth I already believe.  He is trying to get me to believe that those lies are truth.  He attempts to (and often does) plant doubt in my heart through arguments and pretensions.

But we are commanded to demolish those arguments and pretensions.  TO intentionally destroy and utterly ruin them. How do we do that? By knowing truth and fighting the lies with it. And choosing to believe the truth over the lies.  


captive:
Something kept in confinement, something that is enslaved or dominated.
Confine those lies with the truth of Jesus.  Let the lies be enslaved by the truth and dominated!!

obedient:
Submission.
Make the lies submit to the truth.

The enemy doesn't want us to realize that there is a war going on.  And he definitely doesn't want us to realize the armor and weapons we have in our arsenal.


Ephesians 6 talks about the armor of God.  
Belt of truth: a belt is meant to hold up your pants. When your pants are down you are vulnerable.  Truth keeps you protected from vulnerable positions where the enemy can attack.
Breastplate of Righteousness:  guards your heart and your character.  The largest part of armor guards the most significant source of life.
Feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace:  Ready to run with the Lord because I am resting in Him and at peace with the way he will provide a rescue.
Shield of Faith:  It puts out the attacks of the enemy. A direct guard from the lies the enemy throws at us.  
Helmet of Salvation: guard your mind.
Weapon: The sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Use His truth to fight against the enemy.  


There is a battle.  It is real.  It is going to eat you alive if you are not ready for it.  God brought me to this verse earlier in the week and I just am amazed at how applicable it is.  

Psalm 55:16

But I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.  He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me.  

thankful

Today I am simply thankful.
I am thankful for exactly the place God has me in my life right now. So thankful!

Let me share a little of my thought process.

I am planning a trip to Auburn, Alabama this weekend. I'm also planning on stopping in the ATL to see a friend on my way to Auburn. As I was talking to Tara, my friend in Atlanta, she shared that she may go to a Lecrae concert on Friday night. Oh my gosh! Yes, please!! So I just changed my plans and decided to hang out in Atlanta with Tara Friday night and then head to Auburn Saturday morning. How great is that? I mean really! I am just simply so thankful for the fact that I have the freedom to make those last minute plans (because actually this whole trip was last minute) and then change them! I don't have to work around a work schedule, or a family.

This was actually the coolest part of this revelation . . . I am so stinkin' thankful to be single! 

Yeah, I never thought I'd hear myself say it either. It has not come easily, I will tell you that. But after 22 years of never dating a single boy, and 22 years of God working and molding and shaping my heart, I am finally at a place where I can genuinely tell you that I am thankful to be single. Its so fun! I mean I don't have to check my plans through with someone else, or make sure they don't conflict, and no one is keeping tabs on me! (I think I like that part the best! ha!)


I spent my evening with Jillian and the 30 Day Shred and Tami Taylor and four hours of the Dillion Panthers in Friday Night Lights (yes LE I've finally caught up to where you are!).  Then I read my wall and my sister had posted the most hilarious memory from our insanity days in high school. And again I was just reminded of how thankful I am for this time in my life.  This time of singleness, simplicity (really, life is simple. school, flag football, and Friday Night Lights, yeah, that's simple), friends, road trips, late nights, Jillian, homework, and excitement is so priceless. I'm so thankful for it. I'm usually one to look ahead and plan, but I'm really seeking to stay focused here. To enjoy this time and truly live in it for the next 58 days.

From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.

Acts 17:26

I love this verse. It is a great reminder the the Lord has not only determined where we should live, but when. That not only does he have a plan for your life, he has a specific timed plan for your life. He knows the exact times of our lives. I just think that is the neatest thing. Tell me we don't have a God who loves us when he plans out the exact times set for our lives!

First one to go . . .

This past weekend my family experienced a very momentous occasion: Chris, my second oldest cousin was the first to get married!

It was a great wedding. Beautiful, outside, perfect weather, great setting, close family and friends, some hilarious moments, and a dance off. The whole weekend was filled with fun moments with family, along with some crazy ones of course.  It was really fun to all be together. It has probably been at least five years since we have all been together and it was great to share such a special day together.  I'm super thankful for my family and the chance we had to be together.

First time the five of us have been together since May.

All the cousins, including our newest cousin

The 3 Fuller girls

One really cool thing about the wedding was the anniversary dance. I hadn't seen this before and thought it was really neat.  All the couples go out on the floor and then leave the dance floor as their anniversary is called. Like first anyone who is dating, then married for 1, 5, 10, and so on.  My grandparents were the last ones on the floor. They have been married for 60 years.  60 years!!! That is three times the length of my life! I mean it is entirely a lifetime! I can't imagine all they have been through together in that amount of time.  It just reminded me of how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family, starting from the faithfulness my grandparents share.  I mean look how cute they are!!

It was a great weekend. A great time being with family and celebrating the commitment Chris and Lisa made to each other.  That sweet dance my grandparents shared was a great reminder of the Lord's faithfulness.  If two flawed people, as great as my grandparents are they are still sinful humans, can remain faithful and committed to each other for a lifetime, how much more faithful is my Jesus. My Jesus, who is perfect and absolutely blameless, is so faithful and he goes to such incredible lengths to show his children his faithfulness.  Thank you Lord for such a wonderful reminder.  

Praise the Lord, all you nations;

extol him, all you peoples.

For great is his love toward us, 

and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. 

Praise the Lord

Psalm 117

facing Jericho

I have a confession to make.
It is one that I'm really not super thrilled to uncover.

I have a lot of fears.

Probably more than you would expect.  But I don't like a lot of people to know that.  I either avoid things I am afraid of, or I fake it and pretend I am fine when I am really freaking out!!

I'm also very competitive.  That has become somewhat of a mask for my fear.  I do things that I am deathly afraid of because I want to keep up with everyone around me.

For example, this weekend my brother was climbing all over the roof. Of course, I have to be able to do everything he can do, so I followed him up the roof, but was petrified and legitimately thought it might be the last thing I would ever do.  But afterwards, when I once again had my feet safely on the ground, I was thankful I had gone up on that roof. It was a fun memory and we got some really fun pictures.

But, sometimes I don't do things because I am afraid.  I've come to realize that some things aren't worth being afraid of, but sometimes my fear definitely wins and I let it.

Lately, life has been super frightening.  


Almost every time I think about the future I burst into tears because I am afraid.  Afraid that I won't make a good enough grade on a test and I won't pass a class this semester (that would be awful. yet, it is highly unlikely).  Afraid that I won't end up with a job I enjoy.  Afraid that I won't figure out what God wants me to do with my life in time. Afraid that I'll miss the opportunities God has for me. Afraid that I will mess up whatever plan God has.


Most of all, I think I'm afraid that I won't make the right choice.  


I know I have good intentions to do God's will and to follow His plan. But I'm afraid that either I won't understand what God is telling me, or I will be too afraid of what He is saying and I will make the wrong choice. I'm afraid that I will let my fear rule my decisions.  


I'm afraid that my fear will get the best of me.  


Seriously, if that is not about the most ridiculous thing I've said in a while I don't know what is.

But fear is a big deal.  A BIG DEAL!


Take a look at Joshua 1 with me.

God commands Joshua three times in this chapter to be strong and courageous.  


v. 6: "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them."
v. 7: "Be strong and very courageous."
v. 9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."


I really identify with Joshua.
Skim numbers 13 and 14 really quick.  You'll see that Joshua was one of the spies sent into Canaan to explore the land.  His name was actually  Hoshea at the time.  Hoshea means salvation.  Moses gave him the name Joshua, which means "the Lord saves".

When the spies returned they reported that the land was flowing with milk and honey, just as God had promised.  But there were giants in the land and the men were afraid and convinced that they would not be victorious.  So, God gave them over to their fears and banished them to the desert for 40 years and said that they would all die before God would allow His people to enter the promised land.
However, there were two spies who were confident and believed that the Lord would deliver them.  Caleb and Joshua.  It is actually Caleb who speaks up and says that they should go and take the land.  When God is speaking to Moses and informing him of how he will punish the people for their doubt, God mentions that Caleb "has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly" (Numbers 14:24).  Joshua isn't even mentioned until later.  God promises that every person over 20 years-old will die before they go to the promised land, except Caleb and Joshua.

Forty years later we see Joshua leading the people into the promised land.  What happened?

I have a theory.
Now, I realize my theory may be totally inaccurate, and I don't claim to be a biblical scholar, so don't take this as absolute truth, it is simply my opinion.

I think Joshua had some very real fears (Okay, who wouldn't when they are charged with leading an entire nation and conquering a whole region?? That's not my point). I think Joshua was initially very afraid, yet He was confident that the Lord would do what he had promised.  I think as time went on God was working in Joshua's heart and teaching Him to believe what had been promised instead of letting fear rule in his life.

We know Joshua believed God would deliver them to the promised land.  Otherwise, he would have died with the rest of the Israelites who were over 20 years-old. But in Joshua 1, we see God's direct dialogue with His servant.  God knew Joshua's heart better than he did. God knew exactly what Joshua needed to hear, and just what he needed to believe.

Joshua may have looked like the bravest guy out there, but we get to see a glimpse into his heart.  He was facing some real fears.  I think it is neat to see how God's words change as he goes throughout the chapter. First he says "Be strong and courageous." Then its, "Be strong and very courageous."  And finally he says "have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous!!"

I can totally identify with Joshua here.  I so believe God. I so trust Him.  But I'm probably not going to be the one jumping up and down saying, "YES we can conquer the giants!!" I'd definitely let Caleb do that. Yea, I'd back him up, but I'm not going to be the one coming out with that.
And as I read through what God says to Joshua, I hear my own heart reacting.
"Missy, be strong and courageous."
"Ok Lord, I can so do that! I can conquer this! Well, I can try."
"No, Missy, be strong and very courageous."
"Oh, right. Yes, you have made me strong, and I will be courageous."
But as God continues to put a charge on my heart I find myself getting distracted and letting fear slip back in.  But he knows. He knows exactly what my scared little heart is thinking. Thats when he says:
"Hey! remember what I just said! Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous!"

Hear me say I definitely don't have this one down. It is hard to only be strong and courageous. Real hard.  But we are commanded to be that way!

Lord, I want to live in a way that is only strong and courageous! I want to follow you with my whole heart and not let my fear get in the way!  Give me courage! Give me opportunities to trust you more and more reasons to believe that you will deliver me. Let me see your strength and rely on you instead of my own. Oh Jesus, be patient with me because we both know that my heart is far from being only strong and courageous.  

saying good-bye to compulsiveness

Sometimes I can be slightly OCD. No big deal. I just like things my perfect way. This is definitely something I struggle with, and in recent months have realized the incredibly unattainable standards I have held myself to.

I will admit this blog is something I have become a little compulsive about.  I would love to make an entry every day, or at the very MOST every other day.  Well, that is just not possible. Self . . . you need to die and get over that.

Here's what I've learned.

Life is not perfect, predictable, or in any sense normal. It just isn't (haha I know, could've seen this one coming). But really. As much as we try to control things, we just can't. School gets crazy, people are unpredictable, we get distracted, it goes on and on.  But one thing we can count on, "my times are in your hands." Psalm 31:15.

I really wanted to make like 10 entries and change the date so it would look like I had been posting all along this last week. Ha. I know, that would be lying. But there are a lot of things I have really wanted to blog about but just haven't had the time. So, if you want, read till the end.  Life is just funny and I'd love to share it with you . . .

1.  Last week I went to the career fair.  It was very intimidating. I did not want to go.  I was feeling very confused about what I felt like I was hearing God was telling me to do with my life.  The thought of going to the job fair just made me frustrated and anxious.  But I pressed on and ironed my fancy shirt (which took forever), got my suit out of the back of my closet, printed out about 20 updated resumes, and headed out to Thompson Boling Arena.
As I was heading in I was reciting a verse.  Can I just tell you how powerful the word of God is? It truly has the power to put our hearts at rest.

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God.

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, 

but our competence comes from God.  

He has made us ministers of a new covenant-

not of the letter but of the Spirit-

for the letter kills but the Spirit gives life.

2 Corinthians 3:4-6

What a wonderful reminder! As I was walking into that job fair, scared out of my mind, Jesus was so gently reminding me that my confidence needed to fully rest in Him. That even though I felt bad about going, he was faithful to work his plan out in my life.  I didn't need to rely how well I could convince prospective employers that I was awesome, but I could rely on the fact that he was the one that was ultimately working and orchestrating who I was going to talk to.  What a great thing to rely on in the midst of such uncertainty.

2.  I don't know how many of you followers are VOLS fans.  But if you watched last Saturday's game . . . well, hm.  Despite such a disappointing loss, I had a revelation. 

Every single week we (as in all the fans of the VOLS) place all of our hopes on 30 or so 18 to 22 year-olds and one middle aged dad.  We, for the most part, forget their past faults, and strive to see the best in them for 60 minutes.  We cling so tightly to their performance. We hang on their every move.  We don't stop believing in them until that clock reads 0:00.  Some weeks our hope is affirmed (yes, I know, not too much lately, but stay with me).  Some weeks our hopes are brutally crushed. Brutally crushed!  We are disappointed, we may even get upset. 

But fast forward seven days.  

We put all our hopes once again in those 30 or so guys who actually get time on the field. We trust that middle aged dad to make perfect decisions once again.  We forget their past failures.  All our hopes are once again focused on those boys for another 60 minutes. 

Why? Why do we continually put our trust in something that is so unfaithful. Why are we so quick to bounce back even though we have been let down time after time? 

And why do we refuse to trust the Lord when things don't go our way? He doesn't have a losing record. He never fails us. Never leaves us. Never forsakes us.  I'm willing to trust boys that I don't even know, but not willing to trust the one who made me and knows me more intimately than anyone ever could. Where is the disconnect? Why do we give God one chance but give the Vols so many? Who has a better track record? Who is willing to put His life on the line for you, even though you choose to not trust him.  

Isaiah 2:22 says "Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils.  Of what account is he?"

The phrase "stop trusting in" means to "cease from" or "give up on".  Stop trusting in man who is frail and of limited wisdom. Stop relying on those that are going to fail you. Put your faith, your whole faith, in the one who is worthy to be believed.  

Honestly, I have a few other things to blog about.  But it is 2:27am and I am waking up in 5 hours to head to Virginia for  my cousins wedding.  Oh yes, a weekend with the extended family.  There is bound to be something blog worthy!

So good-bye compulsiveness. I'll get around to all of these stored up blogs. I will not be a slave to the perfection. I'm blogging because I enjoy it. Not because I have to. 

From Rainboots to Football

Psalm 27:13-14

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

Be strong and take heart and

wait for the Lord.

It was a hard day. 

It was super rainy, and I got soaked as I walked from the parking garage to class. I was freezing cold all day. I was easily distracted and there was definitely no "operation focus" going on as I tried to study.  Then I was by myself studying all night. Ok "studying" cause the Bears and the Packers were playing (Go Bears! Only undefeated team left in the NFC).  And on top of that I was just wrestling with God all day. 

I've been wrestling with this for awhile, but yesterday it came up in a new light. I realized some hard truth last night.  And I don't know exactly why, but He kept bringing this verse to mind.  Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.  

This is where it gets hard. Knowing that the Lord has a plan and that He is so faithful. I can still be confident in Him, even though my hope has been deferred. Its a choice though. A choice to wait on the Lord instead of myself. A choice to trust Him and be strong and courageous and choose to wait for Him.  

Wait on the Lord. He promises to be faithful!

Lamentations 3:22-23

But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed.

His mercies never come to an end,

they are new every morning!!