The How

I was reading in Genesis 12 the other day.  It is a familiar story, but I was struck with the weight of it.

Abram is called by God and travels to Canaan.  During his journey there is a famine in the land so he travels to Egypt for a while to live there because the famine is so bad.  He has his wife Sarai say that she is Abram's sister. Sarai is beautiful and Abram fears that Pharaoh will kill him and take Sarai as his wife.  

Pharaoh does take Sarai as his wife, but also blesses Abram with sheep and cattle, donkeys, and servants.  However, Pharaoh's household is inflicted with serious diseases because of Sarai.  Pharaoh is very upset and quickly sends Abram and Sarai away.

God promised Abram a future and called him to a new land.  There is a famine in the land and Abram decides to go to Egypt where there is food.  If God had called him, did he not believe that God would provide food for him during a famine? God did not tell Abram to go to Egypt. Abram takes the "how" of his future into his own hands.  Then Abram does not trust God with the "how" of the safety of himself and his family.  He decides to come up with his own plan for his safety and ends up making a fool of himself.  

I certainly identify with Abram.  I so often feel like I am responsible for the "how" of my future.  Yes, God may have called me to something very specific, but I seem to believe that I am responsible for getting myself there.  In my distrust I just end up looking foolish.  

God does not go back on his promises and he will provide for the how.  I need to stop trying so hard!

David & Goliath

This study of David and his Psalms starts off with a very familiar story of scripture; David and Goliath.

The story of David and Goliath is from 1 Samuel 17.

A champion named Goliath, who was form Gath, came out of the Philistine camp.  He was over nine feet tall. He had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing five thousand shekels (about 125lbs)...His spear shaft was like a weaver's rod, and its iron point weighed six hundred shekels . . .  Goliath stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, "Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not servants of Saul? Chose a man and have him come down to me.  If he is able to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects; but if I overcome him and kill him, you will become our subjects and serve us.  This day I defy the ranks of Israel!"


Imagine the scene. Tens of thousands of Israelite men stand terrified of one single Philistine.  These Israelite men have followed their God and Saul, their king, in many battles and the Lord had brought them to victory.  Yet here they stand, terrified, hopeless, and unable to turn the situation to their favor.

But then out of no where God brings up a man after his own heart . . .

"Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep.  When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth.  When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it.  Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God"


David then gathers five smooth stones from a nearby stream. He approaches Goliath amongst laughter and ridicule.  Not only do the Philistines laugh at him, but his own people are not confident in his ability to conquer the giant.  But David knows his strength is in the Lord.

Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead.  The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.  


David's faith in the Lord is incredible. In the midst of certain death, he knows that the Lord has a way to victory.  David words in Psalm 11 show us what his heart was feeling as he faced the giant.

In the Lord I take refuge.  How then can you say to me "Flee like a bird to your mountain."

The Hebrew word for refuge literally means to seek refuge, flee for protection.  David was fleeing to the Lord for protection. While everyone else was literally fleeing to the hills, David was running to the Lord for protection. He knew the Lord had promised to protect him.


I so rarely have faith like David.  I so often rely on myself and the things I can do.  I am so easily caught up in a works mentality that I forget who my refuge is.  I was reading through my journal from when I first went through this passage about David.  After a page or so writing about how frustrated I was at myself for trying to do things on my own, I had written a verse.

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion . . . " (Isaiah 30:18)


I'll end with this. This truth that the Lord showed me back in September and again opened my heart to today.  This is what I had written just under that verse . . .

"Why would you long to be gracious to me?"
"Because you don't know how to be gracious to yourself.  I want to give you things you could never dream of deserving."

The Sun Will Rise

I came across this song a few days ago and it has been in my head ever since. I have been listening to it over and over and over. 

Kelly Clarkson's The Sun Will Rise. (lyrics. song.)

I have now written approximately 15 sentences and deleted all of them.  I'm not sure why, but for some reason I feel like I should probably say as little as possible in this post.

My favorite lyric in the song is this,

"I've been stuck in the storm before.

Felt the wind raging at my door.

Couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't find a way out.

Somehow the clouds disappeared, somehow I made it here.

Maybe just so you could hear me say,

The sun will rise!!"

Jesus is still here. He is still involved. He is still working. He will never give up on you. The Son will rise!

Potential disaster . . .

I am about to start something that I have always wanted to do. Bear with me, this could be a disaster.

I have always loved King David. I love that God calls David a man after his own heart (Acts 13:22).  I love the way David writes exactly what his heart is feeling in the Psalms.  But I have always wondered what exactly David was experiencing when he penned those Psalms.  What were the circumstances he was facing that were causing those reactions in his heart?

I have always had a "timeline" mindset.  I like to know what is going to happen when and in what order.  I often remember things better when I recall them in sequence. Anyway, I've always wanted a better grasp on the actual timeline of the Old Testament. I feel like that is something I have never fully understood simply because I have never taken the time to dig into it.

I am a very emotional human.  Ha. But not all emotion is bad. God gave us our emotions for a purpose.  I have a theory that David was also very emotional (I mean, read any Psalm of his).  I want to understand what a Biblical emotional response looks like (if that makes any sense).

Because of all this I have decided to go through David's life and the Psalms chronologically and to blog about it!!  I know I am not an expert, and I am going to do as much as I can to be credible.  I am excited to dive into this.  I am not 100% sure exactly how I want to do this. I think for now I am going to go through David's life and look at the Psalms that match up with his experiences.  That may change.  Would absolutely love any and all feedback through this! Can't wait!

Ponder Anew

Listening to some tunes on Spotify at work today and a lyric caught my attention. It was a line from "Praise to the Lord", a song I've heard at least a hundred times, but today it stuck.

"Ponder anew what the Almighty can do"

Ponder anew what the Almighty can do.


What a great thought at the start of a new year. 2012.

2011 was no cake walk. It actually wasn't even close. I have just come though the hardest year I have ever experienced in my 23 and a half years. I was glad to put 2011 behind and start fresh with a new year!  While I know I learned and grew through this incredibly difficult year, I am not at a point where I can see success. I am still trying to understand what exactly it was God was trying to teach me through all of my brokenness.  But I am (trying to be) confident of the fact that He is using those trials for my maturity.  I am clinging to this verse as I head into the new year . . .

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast" 1 Peter 5:10

I really love this lyric from the song also, "Ponder anew what the Almighty can do." What a great challenge for 2012. To focus on all the Lord can do in my life, all he wants to do, and all he is going to do.


I do have some specific "goals" for 2012, and a few "resolutions." I've determined a difference. I don't think it is a technical difference, but I'm sticking to it. A goal is a one time event that I have to put forth daily effort in order to achieve. A resolution is a commitment to do something on a daily/weekly/regular basis.  Resolutions don't really leave much room for life to just happen, but are necessary to establish a routine. That is why I like goals.

One of my resolutions is to be more consistent with this blog. I absolutely love writing and I definitely get more out of my time with the Lord when I am turning around and writing about it.  It just allows me to study more and dig deeper than I would for just myself.  I am excited to be more consistent. I have seriously been itching to get back into writing. That is my resolution for 2012.

One of my goals is to run the Chicago marathon on October 7th. I am excited to blog about training. And I am going to sign up on February 1st, so after I shell out that $150 and buy a plane ticket, I'm definitely going to do it!

Looking forward to a new year, a time to ponder anew what my Jesus can and will do!!

we are talking about a battle here!!!!

I have no idea how to start this post so here is my witty/enticing opening statement (take that 5th grade).


Last night I was feeling attacked. I mean literally attacked. I was sitting in my community group and we were having a great discussion about prayer.  Early on, I was getting ready to share something but was overwhelmed when I heard,

 "Thats really dumb, its really trivial and stupid compared to what she just shared. And you are just going to start crying if you open your mouth. You really don't want to cry tonight, especially in front of people. Once you start you can't stop." 

"Wow. Yeah, I guess sharing about how God answered this very specific prayer is stupid. I am so over crying right now, I am not about to open my mouth. "

That lie beat me out last night. I chose to believe it. I chose to not let God use my story to encourage someone else, I chose to not open up to the group and instead chose to stay comfortable. And while I sat there for the remainder of the night I let more and more lies fill my head.

 I literally felt like the enemy was attacking me and just beating me down.

And that no one was on my side to protect me.

Later on, I was feeling so convicted for listening to those lies and believing them.  But I felt so defeated. I just felt like I no longer had any energy to fight. No energy to continue to fight against the enemy on my own. I felt worn down.  Exhausted.

A few hours ago I was playing around on Pinterest, which is my new favorite, and I came across this:

"The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still."


In a moment when I was feeling exhausted of the battle, defeated by the enemy, the Lord comes and finds me on Pinterest!

I wish I could find a picture of what I see in my mind when I hear this verse. When I did a Google image search I found pictures of flowers, beaches, sunsets.

HELLO!!!! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A BATTLE HERE!!!!

This is what I picture.

I am stuck in the middle of a raging battle. The sun is going down and the night is about to set in. It is cold, and raining. The sounds of screams and explosions fill the air. Fires fill the horizon.  Bodies are covering the ground.  The enemy is winning. Allies are retreating.  I am wounded and exhausted.  I have no strength left. As I look around I realize that there are so few left fighting with me. I turn to the horizon only to see more of the enemy approaching. How hopeless! 


I feel a strong hand on my shoulder. It turns me around and I see the face of my King.  He tells me to hide in the boulders nearby and "be still." He promises to fight for me.  When I hesitate, feeling as if I should stay and help him fight this vast army, his strong arms almost throw me to the safe place.  I want to stay and do my part, but I realize He does not need my help. 


I watch my King take on the enemy. He is swift and strong. Mighty and fearless. He destroys the enemy and wipes them from the face of the earth. There is no longer any fear of the enemy because the King has saved me!

This is what Jesus does! He doesn't want me to feel like I am fighting alone. He comes along side me and destroys the enemy so that I can freely be with Him! And all I need to be is still.

Jesus, I praise you, for you truly fight for me!

Every Morning

Well, hello blog! Its been awhile!

I just need to share what my sweet Jesus did for me this morning.

I woke up with a "cry hangover" from last night. It was just an emotional night, for no particular reason and nothing significant triggering those emotions.  I woke up, turned off my alarm, and turned on my lamp.  All I could do was lay on my pillow with all of those emotions and thoughts from last nigh still swirling around in my head.

"They are new every morning"

God brought to mind one of my favorite verses of all time. Lamentations 3:21-24

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"

The Lord provided me with such a sweet reminder of His grace and compassion that he longs to pour out on my little fragile heart every morning.

Don't pray for patience

I have spent the last four summers working at a Christian sports camp in Branson, Missouri.
It is a time in my life where I am constantly needing to be more patient.

It is hot (Like 100 degrees for 3 months).
There are kids, everywhere.  And they ask a LOT of questions.

My first summer as a counselor my co-counselor and I prayed for patience consistently throughout our first term of campers.  What we found was that there were more and more situations that drove us to the edge of our sanity.

My co had a revelation. "I'm not going to pray for patience anymore. Because God doesn't just make you patient.  He gives you situations where you have to be patient. Its not working. I'm never praying for patience again."

It is true. Patience is developed by situations that causes us to practice patience. And not just one situation.  Time and time again I found myself in situations where I needed to be incredibly patient, until it becomes second nature.

The same goes for many spiritual disciplines.

If I pray for faith, God is not going to simply give me more faith. He is going to allow me to go through circumstances that will force me to depend solely on Him, therefore causing my faith to grow.

Another is fear.  If I ask God to help me not be afraid, he is not going to turn me into Superman.  I am going to have to go through experiences that cause me to confront my fears. I am going to have to choose to trust the Lord instead of myself through my fear.  And I am going to have to face them again and again until it becomes second nature.

Essentially I am saying that if you don't want to grow, you shouldn't pray for any of these things.

BUT, if growth and maturity are what we desire, then ask for them!! Because God will answer!

Hebrews 12:11-12 says,

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees."

If we want to be stronger we have to go through the training! If we want to get in shape, we have to put in the painful miles.  

Galatians 6:9 says, 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, 

for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." 

Keep praying for patience, don't give up! Go through the training to reap a good harvest!!

Don't Waste Your Life

Your money, your singleness, marriage, talents, your time; they were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine

Don't Waste Your Life

Running and Jesus

It has been a rough, long, few months.
Among other things, I decided that it was not the right time in life to run a marathon.
But Bethie and I are running the Chicago marathon in 2012. Get ready. We'll probably win.

I stopped running completely for about a month.  I'm just now getting started again. Very slowly.  BUT my re-start has triggered a revelation.

Running is such a parallel to one's spiritual journey. And, yes, I talk about that a lot. Deal.

But as I was struggling through my easy/default 2.5 miles I had another Jesus/Running revelation.

Just like I can always pick back up and start running from nothing, my relationship with Jesus is NEVER at a point that cannot be redeemed.

I can go from no exercise to running a mile, then two, then gradually working my way back up to what I consider "normal". My body always responds accordingly and begins to get itself back into shape.

I can go from ignoring Jesus, to reading a verse, to reading a chapter, to studying a chapter, then gradually working my way back up to what I consider "normal".  Jesus responds accordingly and begins to reveal himself to me once again.

(Sigh) I love Jesus. and running.

Do not lose heart!

"Therefore we do not lose heart. 

Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. 

For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

A few days ago I blogged about trials. And how they can sometimes be beyond our ability to endure.  Paul writes that in the first chapter of 2 Corinthians.  This is written in chapter 4. I can't help but connect the two. The trials he faced in his ministry in Asia were so difficult that he says he, "despaired even of life" and "felt the sentence of death."

The root of "we do not lose heart" in v.16 means "to be utterly spiritless, to be wearied out, exhausted" (definition from Blue Letter Bible).  That is exactly how these trials have me feeling. Spiritless, wearied out, and exhausted.  How can Paul say that he doesn't lose heart?

He says he is being renewed in his spirit daily, even though outwardly he is being consumed by his circumstances.  The Greek word for renew in this passage means "to cause to grow up; to be changed into a new kind of life as opposed to the former corrupt state." Paul realizes that his trials are refining him and bringing him to a new life--away from his former corrupt state.

The trials he is experiencing are renewing his spirit because he is choosing to focus on what is unseen.
I think that is the key here. Focusing on what is unseen (Jesus, eternal life, freedom from sin) is how our hearts are renewed.

It is definitely not easy to focus on what is unseen when my trials seem everything but "light and momentary." But this proves it is possible. That God promises to provide us with hope if we choose to focus on Him. Thank you Lord!!

far beyond our ability to endure

I came across this passage this morning. I am so thankful for God's Word and how it is always so applicable. I just have to be patient and know that He will fulfill His promises and reveal His truth at the perfect time. 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia.  We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death.   But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.  Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.   I find it so encouraging to know that maybe the reason that these trials are so far beyond my ability to endure, is so that I might not rely on myself but on God. Oh, and by the way he has the power to raise the dead!  Now, it definitely doesn't make hardships any easier, but it sure is encouraging to know that God is working. Maybe this situation is so impossible so that Jesus can once again so how he is strong and making all things work for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28).

conviction

I am a perfectionist.

I struggle with feeling guilty for things I don't do perfectly and often have trouble letting them go.

That guilt is not from the Lord.

Conviction is from the Lord. Guilt is not.  There is a difference.

Guilt is a from the enemy. It is an attempt to get me to believe that what I did is too big for Jesus to have taken care of on the cross. It makes me try harder and trust my own strength. It makes me feel small and helpless. It brings death.

Conviction is a blessing and a tool the Holy Spirit uses to remind me to stay in step with the Spirit.  It is a way of reminding me what the truth is.  A way to remind me that I am incapable of doing this life without Christ.  It points me to the cross, reminding me that Jesus was already beat up enough for my sin, and that I do not need to beat myself up for it.  It brings freedom. It brings life.

You see the difference. Conviction is not condemnation (Romans 8:1). And it is not guilt.  Jesus died for our guilt.  Conviction is putting my hand on a hot stove and my head saying "hm, that is hot, you should probably move that now before it burns off." It is a good thing. 

Welcome the conviction from the spirit.  Let Jesus rule over the guilt.  

if I can run a mile (part 2)

So yesterday, talking about training got me thinking.
I know that if I want to succeed at running a marathon I need to do the same thing over and over again.
Run.


But looking at my life, and specifically dealing with sin struggles, I want to knock them down the first time. Just once, and then I expect myself to be an expert. That is not realistic.  I have to deal with that sin more than once. More than twice. Probably more than three times.
Thats like saying if I can run a mile I could run 26.

Something a lot of women in my life have shared, and that I think a lot of us deal with, is that we expect ourselves to either struggle with a sin forever, or deal with something once and then it never creeps up again.  Neither alternative is practical.

You do not have to struggle with this same sin forever. It does not rule you. It does not define you. You are able to be free from it. But not on your own strength.  
You are not expected to conquer a sin once and then never struggle with it again.  It takes time to train your heart, no matter what the sin may be.  


Instead of bombarding with a bunch of unconnected verses I'm going to share one of my favorite passages. It is 2 Samuel 21:15-22.  It is full of a lot of hard-to-say names and places, and there are none of those "quotable" verses, if you will.  However, I find it a beautiful picture of the way God deals with our sin struggles.

It takes place during David's reign as King of Israel. It talks about four different battles Israel had with the Philistines.  Just for some quick background, the Philistines were that age old enemy Israel could never seem to defeat (like the girls that you play in of every sport of intramurals and you never seem to be able to beat them).  They are the same Philistines that so many years before produced a giant named Goliath (1 Samuel 17). David had been to battle with the Philistines many times. The Lord had given him victory many times, yet here he was again, about to face another battle.

The passage starts out each battle saying "In the couse of time, there was another battle with the Philistines" "Once again, there was a battle with the Philistines" "In another battle . . ." "In still another battle . . .".

How many times in my life have I felt like that? "And once again I am struggling with this sin." " Well, I failed again dealing with that sin today."  "In other news, I'm struggling with the same thing again."

It gets discouraging.
Real quick.

A girl who was in my Bible study once said to me "I just feel like God is sick of hearing me ask for victory from this. I feel like he is looking at me and saying "really, this again." I feel like eventually he'll just get sick of me asking for freedom from it."

My heart struggles with that. That is for sure.

But thankfully, that is a lie!! 


Read that passage in 2 Samuel and you will find that David struggled with the same enemy over and over and over again. And God gave him victory every time.  
Right after that passage about the battles is David's song of praise.

"He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place;

He rescued me because he delighted in me."

(2 Samuel 22:18-20)

He rescued me because he delighted in me.

Not because I quit struggling with sin, not because I did everything right, not because I totally messed up, not because I asked in the right way . . . because he delighted in me.

Do not allow the enemy a foothold by believing a lie.  

He wants to rescue you. He does not tire of saving you. 

God eventually gave David freedom from the Philistines.  But not on David's time. On God's.  It was not on David's strength either. Those enemies were too strong for him, but not for his God.  

And God did not stop giving David victory just because he was facing the same enemy again.  

He wants to do the same in our lives . . . because he delights in us!!

the neck is not invited to this party (part 1)

Its official.
I have completed my first week of my 25 week marathon training program. Don't get too excited. I only ran a total of 7 miles last week.

Twenty-five weeks is a long time. Six months to be exact.

But training your body to run 26.2 miles takes time. It takes time for your body to adjust to the level of activity that is being demanded of it. It takes time to train your mind to think in a new way. It takes time to train yourself to eat a balanced diet, with lots of carbs, protein, and salt (when you sweat, your body not only loses water but salt as well. That would be why I crave pretzels after I run).

We know it takes time to train our bodies.  We prepare for that change by giving ourselves time to adapt.

I'll be the first to admit I do not have the same patience with my spirit.

When I feel that the Lord wants to teach me something, I want to learn it, understand it, have it down, not struggle with it anymore, and be able to teach it to someone else within a very short period of time.

That is so impractical!

Just like my body needs time to adapt and prepare for a marathon, my heart needs time to change and grow when the Lord is teaching me something.  I need repetition.   I need devoted time.  I need to train in a way that will lead me to success. I need to be committed.  I need to give my all. I need to focus. I need discipline.  I need to put things in my mind that will produce fruit (crap in, crap out).

Another issue is that I need to train correctly.  One of my favorite Jillian Michaels' quotes is "The neck is not invited to this party."  She's explaining how to correctly do a crunch.

But the concept is essential here. If I do 1000 crunches using my neck muscles, my neck might end up looking like Dwayne Johnson's, but my abs will be flabby Patty.  If I am relying on my own interpretation of truth, or someone else's, without backing it up with the truth in scripture, I'm not going to grow.

I'll be the first to admit that I get incredibly discouraged when I don't get something down right away. Or when an old struggle creeps up again (seriously, haven't I dealt with you already?).  But that doesn't surprise Jesus.  He knows exactly what we are struggling with and just how much time it will take us to let truth penetrate our hearts.

Philippians 1:6 says,
"...being confident of this that he who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

He promises to continue to work on our hearts until they are just like him.  We just have to continue training and stay committed.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect,

but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.

But one thing I do:

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Phil 3:12-14

more tomorrow . . .

Louie

So my finger is broken and there is a big ole splint on it. My fingers are taped together so it takes me 15 times as long to type anything.  But I really wanted to blog.

This is a video clip from a message by Louie Giglio. Its only a few minutes long and is one of my favorite messages. It is really powerful.  Even if you've seen it, it is worth watching again.  It makes me cry every time.

Laminin

"For by him all things were created, 

things in heaven and things on earth,

visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities,

all things were created by him and for him.

He is before all things and in him all things hold together."

Colossians 1:16-17

Joe, Kaykay, Lexi, & Malachi

This afternoon we played some football.  My heart is happy (except for the fact that I may have broken my finger.  Its fine.).

We arrived on the fields at World's Fair Park and started throwing the ball around.  We didn't really have a big turn out, and only three of us were there at first.  Well after about 25 seconds two little guys come sprinting over to us.

"Can we play? Can we play?"

The smiles on there little faces were unbelievable.  They just so badly wanted to be included in our game.  We started tossing the ball around the field with them.  A minute or two later their sister and cousin come running over as well.  

Of course at this point, it was time to play a game.  We played boys against girls. It was hilarious, out of control, messy, and so fun!  At one point the little five year old boy looks at me and goes "what ya got gramma?!?" He was hilarious.  

I attempted to make plays for two "big kids" and two six-year-old girls. Our conversations in the huddle sounded a lot like this:

"Ok, Lexi, you run straight. Kaykay, you start on this side, I'm going to turn around and hand you the ball."

"What do I do?"

"Lexi, you just run straight to the end-zone."

"Where's that?"

"Just run straight, right to the tree. But don't go in the road."

"Straight to the bench?"

"Yes."

"Wait, what do I do?" 

"Kaykay, you run behind me and I'm going to give you the ball."

"Okay, then what?"

"Then just run behind me."

"Okay, where are we going?"

"We're going to score!"

One play I told them to all run to the end-zone and I was going to throw it to one of them (the boys were beating us and I was going to throw it to my over 18 counterpart).  We didn't complete the pass, so we were then on defense.  I looked at the girls and told them to do the same thing they did last time.  I meant the last time we were on defense, in which the girls had just guarded each one of the little boys.  After the play I turned around and both the girls were in the end-zone. I realized they did exactly the same thing we had done last time.  I could not help but laugh.  They did exactly what I said! 

One time on a kickoff I caught the ball and handed it to Lexi.  I said, "just run straight that way. Follow me, I'll block for you." That girl was pretty fast for a six-year-old running from 19 year old boy.  She ran about 10 yards, and then realized Dan was chasing her.  She curved around and started running back toward our side.  It was absolutely hilarious.  

This little game of football was actually really enlightening.  

As much as I tried to break things down and explain them to those little girls, it always came down to me very simply saying, "I'm going to hand you the ball and you are going to run as fast as you can in that direction."  

You can't possibly be mad when things go wrong in a situation like that.  Even those times when they ran the wrong way, or thought we were on offense when we were on defense, I turned around, gave them a high five and told them they were doing an incredible job.  The next time I would try harder to explain the play, or give them better direction so that they could understand what they were supposed to do.  

And as much as they thought they had an understanding of the game of football, you can't even compare it to the understanding of that of a college student who plays and watches football in every moment of their spare time.  

Kind of like the Lord.  

As much as I like to think I have an understanding of the situations in my life, I know nothing. And I am most likely running toward my own end-zone.  But he is not going to pick me up and yell at me for running the wrong way.  He'll run to me, give me a high five, a little edification, and then clarify what I am supposed to be doing through His word.  

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, 

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

His thoughts are not my thoughts.  His ways are higher.  He has a greater understanding and a knowledge and wisdom that I will never comprehend.  That is something in which I can rest assured.  

And beyond that I can rest in the fact that He will be explaining how to do life better than I can explain football to a couple first graders.

Re-reader

I am a journaler. And a re-reader. I love going back through old journals, and my current journal, as a reminder of what God has taught me.

I feel like this happens a lot.  It seems like God will show me something in the Word but I don't always get it until later.

This morning my heart was just wrestling with the Lord. He was clearly telling me to trust him, and I was making every excuse in the book.  I was trying to find anything else I could possibly rely on.  In the middle of my quiet time I glanced back in my journal to just a month ago.

I couldn't help but laugh. At myself for being so ridiculous, and also at what was written on the page.

I had been reading Isaiah 3 that day.

See now, the Lord, the Lord Almighty,

is about to take from Jerusalem and Judah both supply and support.  

All supplies of food and all supplies of water,

the hero and the warrior, the judge and the prophet, 

the soothsayer and elder, the captain of fifty and man of rank, 

the counselor, skilled craftsman, and clever enchanter. 

(Isaiah 3:1-2)

Right before that verse I had written,

"God is removing from Israel the things it relies on and puts its trust in."

It amazes me how just a month ago I didn't realize just how significant that was to my life.  

He is asking me to trust him again.  He is asking me to trust him once again for his sovereign plan.  For his will over mine.  For his desires that I don't truly understand.  He wants me to trust him to again lead me through a tough situation that will likely bring me to tears with no glimpse of a future what so ever, but that will ultimately bring me closer to him.  Every time it gets harder.  It is hard to trust a God I can't see with a plan I don't know for a future that is uncertain.  

This is not uncharted territory. I've been in this situation before. But I'm not supposed to sit here and trust past experience. I'm not supposed to trust how much I feel like I've got this under control.  I need to rely on the Lord and solely on him. He wants me to.  He will remove things in our lives that we rely on and put our trust in in order for us to fully trust Him. 

Lets be real here. I'd rather be relying on the Lord than on myself. 

Promise

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

The Lord bestows favor and honor;

No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

I am clinging to this promise right now.  

Even though it may feel like God is holding out on me for certain things I desire, 

those things simply would not be a blessing today.

He withholds no good thing.

Thats a promise.

"If you ask me if I love him, I'd lie"

I love Taylor Swift.
Go ahead, make fun of me if you must, but she is legit.

She has now put out three albums and has still maintained a wholesome image. That is an accomplishment all its own.
I don't claim to be a musical genius by any means, so I'm not going to comment on that aspect of her songs.

I just got her latest cd. It got me thinking. The reason I like T so much (yes, I now fondly refer to her as "T". If we were friends I would call her that. Its fine.) is because of her lyrics.  This cd has some great lyrics!  Great in general, and then just great one liners.

Here are some of my favorites:

"Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you"
-Enchanted

"This is looking like a contest, of who can act like they care less"
-The Story of Us

"She should keep in mind there is nothing I do better than revenge"
(ha)
-Better than Revenge

"The night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same"
"It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age"
"Bring on all the pretenders"
-Long Live

"Cause when you're (insert any age, but its 15 in the song) and somebody tells you they love you, you're gunna believe them"
"In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team"
"Back then I swore I was gunna marry him someday but I realized some bigger dreams of mine"
"When all you wanted was to be wanted, wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now."
-Fifteen

"But I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain"
-The Way I Loved You

"Somebody else gets what you wanted again . . . repeating history and you're getting sick of it"
-Change

"There's no time for tears I'm just sitting here planning my revenge"
-Picture to Burn

"I don't know what I want, so don't ask me. Cause I'm still tryin to figure it out."
-Place In This World

"And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie"
-I'd Lie

The reason I like Taylor Swift so much is because I can identify with her lyrics. She has a way of verbalizing what is going on in a girl's heart through the ups and downs of relationships.  It is fascinating to me.  I'm sure this sounds super cheesy, but I'm totally serious.  I have found myself in (almost) every one of these situations. She just puts what my heart is feeling into words.

As I was driving home tonight I was thinking over this blog.  And I realized something. As much as Taylor Swift can write great songs that speak to what my heart is feeling, God's Word can speak truth to my heart so much more!! Taylor speaks to my emotions, to what I want to feel, what my flesh wants to be okay.  Jeremiah 17:9 (I've probably referenced it before, it is one of my favorites) says our hearts are deceitful.  All of those things I want to feel, all of the emotions I let my heart run away with, are not always true.  As good as it feels to listen to Taylor when something happens, what I need is truth.  Taylor is just going to put a band-aid on the issue.  


What I need is the Lord to step in with truth that my heart has yet to realize.  Truth that will refresh and renew my heart, not sink it deeper into an emotional black hole.  


I'm not saying Taylor is bad. I mean I just shared my border line obsession.  And no, I'm not going to stop listening to Taylor Swift. That is not the point.  


The point is that the place I find truth needs to be the Lord and his Word.  Not a twenty-year-old country/pop/folk artist.  


Let me tell you a little about the Word of God:

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless."
-2 Samuel 22:31


"And the words of the Lord are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times."
-Psalm 12:6


"and you will be called Sought After"
-Isaiah 62:12

"For the word of God is living and active."
-Hebrews 4:12

Stop right there.  Living and active.  The Word of God is living and active. That right there is why I should depend on the Word over anything else.

If you ask me if I love the Word, I totally wouldn't lie.