Don't pray for patience

I have spent the last four summers working at a Christian sports camp in Branson, Missouri.
It is a time in my life where I am constantly needing to be more patient.

It is hot (Like 100 degrees for 3 months).
There are kids, everywhere.  And they ask a LOT of questions.

My first summer as a counselor my co-counselor and I prayed for patience consistently throughout our first term of campers.  What we found was that there were more and more situations that drove us to the edge of our sanity.

My co had a revelation. "I'm not going to pray for patience anymore. Because God doesn't just make you patient.  He gives you situations where you have to be patient. Its not working. I'm never praying for patience again."

It is true. Patience is developed by situations that causes us to practice patience. And not just one situation.  Time and time again I found myself in situations where I needed to be incredibly patient, until it becomes second nature.

The same goes for many spiritual disciplines.

If I pray for faith, God is not going to simply give me more faith. He is going to allow me to go through circumstances that will force me to depend solely on Him, therefore causing my faith to grow.

Another is fear.  If I ask God to help me not be afraid, he is not going to turn me into Superman.  I am going to have to go through experiences that cause me to confront my fears. I am going to have to choose to trust the Lord instead of myself through my fear.  And I am going to have to face them again and again until it becomes second nature.

Essentially I am saying that if you don't want to grow, you shouldn't pray for any of these things.

BUT, if growth and maturity are what we desire, then ask for them!! Because God will answer!

Hebrews 12:11-12 says,

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees."

If we want to be stronger we have to go through the training! If we want to get in shape, we have to put in the painful miles.  

Galatians 6:9 says, 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, 

for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." 

Keep praying for patience, don't give up! Go through the training to reap a good harvest!!

facing Jericho

I have a confession to make.
It is one that I'm really not super thrilled to uncover.

I have a lot of fears.

Probably more than you would expect.  But I don't like a lot of people to know that.  I either avoid things I am afraid of, or I fake it and pretend I am fine when I am really freaking out!!

I'm also very competitive.  That has become somewhat of a mask for my fear.  I do things that I am deathly afraid of because I want to keep up with everyone around me.

For example, this weekend my brother was climbing all over the roof. Of course, I have to be able to do everything he can do, so I followed him up the roof, but was petrified and legitimately thought it might be the last thing I would ever do.  But afterwards, when I once again had my feet safely on the ground, I was thankful I had gone up on that roof. It was a fun memory and we got some really fun pictures.

But, sometimes I don't do things because I am afraid.  I've come to realize that some things aren't worth being afraid of, but sometimes my fear definitely wins and I let it.

Lately, life has been super frightening.  


Almost every time I think about the future I burst into tears because I am afraid.  Afraid that I won't make a good enough grade on a test and I won't pass a class this semester (that would be awful. yet, it is highly unlikely).  Afraid that I won't end up with a job I enjoy.  Afraid that I won't figure out what God wants me to do with my life in time. Afraid that I'll miss the opportunities God has for me. Afraid that I will mess up whatever plan God has.


Most of all, I think I'm afraid that I won't make the right choice.  


I know I have good intentions to do God's will and to follow His plan. But I'm afraid that either I won't understand what God is telling me, or I will be too afraid of what He is saying and I will make the wrong choice. I'm afraid that I will let my fear rule my decisions.  


I'm afraid that my fear will get the best of me.  


Seriously, if that is not about the most ridiculous thing I've said in a while I don't know what is.

But fear is a big deal.  A BIG DEAL!


Take a look at Joshua 1 with me.

God commands Joshua three times in this chapter to be strong and courageous.  


v. 6: "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them."
v. 7: "Be strong and very courageous."
v. 9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."


I really identify with Joshua.
Skim numbers 13 and 14 really quick.  You'll see that Joshua was one of the spies sent into Canaan to explore the land.  His name was actually  Hoshea at the time.  Hoshea means salvation.  Moses gave him the name Joshua, which means "the Lord saves".

When the spies returned they reported that the land was flowing with milk and honey, just as God had promised.  But there were giants in the land and the men were afraid and convinced that they would not be victorious.  So, God gave them over to their fears and banished them to the desert for 40 years and said that they would all die before God would allow His people to enter the promised land.
However, there were two spies who were confident and believed that the Lord would deliver them.  Caleb and Joshua.  It is actually Caleb who speaks up and says that they should go and take the land.  When God is speaking to Moses and informing him of how he will punish the people for their doubt, God mentions that Caleb "has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly" (Numbers 14:24).  Joshua isn't even mentioned until later.  God promises that every person over 20 years-old will die before they go to the promised land, except Caleb and Joshua.

Forty years later we see Joshua leading the people into the promised land.  What happened?

I have a theory.
Now, I realize my theory may be totally inaccurate, and I don't claim to be a biblical scholar, so don't take this as absolute truth, it is simply my opinion.

I think Joshua had some very real fears (Okay, who wouldn't when they are charged with leading an entire nation and conquering a whole region?? That's not my point). I think Joshua was initially very afraid, yet He was confident that the Lord would do what he had promised.  I think as time went on God was working in Joshua's heart and teaching Him to believe what had been promised instead of letting fear rule in his life.

We know Joshua believed God would deliver them to the promised land.  Otherwise, he would have died with the rest of the Israelites who were over 20 years-old. But in Joshua 1, we see God's direct dialogue with His servant.  God knew Joshua's heart better than he did. God knew exactly what Joshua needed to hear, and just what he needed to believe.

Joshua may have looked like the bravest guy out there, but we get to see a glimpse into his heart.  He was facing some real fears.  I think it is neat to see how God's words change as he goes throughout the chapter. First he says "Be strong and courageous." Then its, "Be strong and very courageous."  And finally he says "have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous!!"

I can totally identify with Joshua here.  I so believe God. I so trust Him.  But I'm probably not going to be the one jumping up and down saying, "YES we can conquer the giants!!" I'd definitely let Caleb do that. Yea, I'd back him up, but I'm not going to be the one coming out with that.
And as I read through what God says to Joshua, I hear my own heart reacting.
"Missy, be strong and courageous."
"Ok Lord, I can so do that! I can conquer this! Well, I can try."
"No, Missy, be strong and very courageous."
"Oh, right. Yes, you have made me strong, and I will be courageous."
But as God continues to put a charge on my heart I find myself getting distracted and letting fear slip back in.  But he knows. He knows exactly what my scared little heart is thinking. Thats when he says:
"Hey! remember what I just said! Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous!"

Hear me say I definitely don't have this one down. It is hard to only be strong and courageous. Real hard.  But we are commanded to be that way!

Lord, I want to live in a way that is only strong and courageous! I want to follow you with my whole heart and not let my fear get in the way!  Give me courage! Give me opportunities to trust you more and more reasons to believe that you will deliver me. Let me see your strength and rely on you instead of my own. Oh Jesus, be patient with me because we both know that my heart is far from being only strong and courageous.  

saying good-bye to compulsiveness

Sometimes I can be slightly OCD. No big deal. I just like things my perfect way. This is definitely something I struggle with, and in recent months have realized the incredibly unattainable standards I have held myself to.

I will admit this blog is something I have become a little compulsive about.  I would love to make an entry every day, or at the very MOST every other day.  Well, that is just not possible. Self . . . you need to die and get over that.

Here's what I've learned.

Life is not perfect, predictable, or in any sense normal. It just isn't (haha I know, could've seen this one coming). But really. As much as we try to control things, we just can't. School gets crazy, people are unpredictable, we get distracted, it goes on and on.  But one thing we can count on, "my times are in your hands." Psalm 31:15.

I really wanted to make like 10 entries and change the date so it would look like I had been posting all along this last week. Ha. I know, that would be lying. But there are a lot of things I have really wanted to blog about but just haven't had the time. So, if you want, read till the end.  Life is just funny and I'd love to share it with you . . .

1.  Last week I went to the career fair.  It was very intimidating. I did not want to go.  I was feeling very confused about what I felt like I was hearing God was telling me to do with my life.  The thought of going to the job fair just made me frustrated and anxious.  But I pressed on and ironed my fancy shirt (which took forever), got my suit out of the back of my closet, printed out about 20 updated resumes, and headed out to Thompson Boling Arena.
As I was heading in I was reciting a verse.  Can I just tell you how powerful the word of God is? It truly has the power to put our hearts at rest.

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God.

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, 

but our competence comes from God.  

He has made us ministers of a new covenant-

not of the letter but of the Spirit-

for the letter kills but the Spirit gives life.

2 Corinthians 3:4-6

What a wonderful reminder! As I was walking into that job fair, scared out of my mind, Jesus was so gently reminding me that my confidence needed to fully rest in Him. That even though I felt bad about going, he was faithful to work his plan out in my life.  I didn't need to rely how well I could convince prospective employers that I was awesome, but I could rely on the fact that he was the one that was ultimately working and orchestrating who I was going to talk to.  What a great thing to rely on in the midst of such uncertainty.

2.  I don't know how many of you followers are VOLS fans.  But if you watched last Saturday's game . . . well, hm.  Despite such a disappointing loss, I had a revelation. 

Every single week we (as in all the fans of the VOLS) place all of our hopes on 30 or so 18 to 22 year-olds and one middle aged dad.  We, for the most part, forget their past faults, and strive to see the best in them for 60 minutes.  We cling so tightly to their performance. We hang on their every move.  We don't stop believing in them until that clock reads 0:00.  Some weeks our hope is affirmed (yes, I know, not too much lately, but stay with me).  Some weeks our hopes are brutally crushed. Brutally crushed!  We are disappointed, we may even get upset. 

But fast forward seven days.  

We put all our hopes once again in those 30 or so guys who actually get time on the field. We trust that middle aged dad to make perfect decisions once again.  We forget their past failures.  All our hopes are once again focused on those boys for another 60 minutes. 

Why? Why do we continually put our trust in something that is so unfaithful. Why are we so quick to bounce back even though we have been let down time after time? 

And why do we refuse to trust the Lord when things don't go our way? He doesn't have a losing record. He never fails us. Never leaves us. Never forsakes us.  I'm willing to trust boys that I don't even know, but not willing to trust the one who made me and knows me more intimately than anyone ever could. Where is the disconnect? Why do we give God one chance but give the Vols so many? Who has a better track record? Who is willing to put His life on the line for you, even though you choose to not trust him.  

Isaiah 2:22 says "Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils.  Of what account is he?"

The phrase "stop trusting in" means to "cease from" or "give up on".  Stop trusting in man who is frail and of limited wisdom. Stop relying on those that are going to fail you. Put your faith, your whole faith, in the one who is worthy to be believed.  

Honestly, I have a few other things to blog about.  But it is 2:27am and I am waking up in 5 hours to head to Virginia for  my cousins wedding.  Oh yes, a weekend with the extended family.  There is bound to be something blog worthy!

So good-bye compulsiveness. I'll get around to all of these stored up blogs. I will not be a slave to the perfection. I'm blogging because I enjoy it. Not because I have to. 

Get off me Fear!!

I have been blessed to be able to be a boat driver this summer. Sweet memories are made out on the lake with these crazy 7 to 11 year-olds. It is pretty amazing to see just how brave some of these kids are. The craziest kids I've had have been Barn 3 girls, who were eight years-old. Its always hilarious to see their reactions when they are thrown from a tube into freezing cold water. It is also amazing to see some of these kids conquer their fears out on the lake.

Just yesterday I drove ski trip for Barn 1. Four little seven year-olds and their counselors piled in my boat and we headed out down the lake.  The first two were dare devils. Flying all around the lake and barely blinking when they were thrown into the water.  And then there was little Hannah. From the very beginning she was not going to go tubing. At all. In fact, she even tried to get her counselors to let her stay at kamp for the afternoon.  Being a former seven year-old who definitely was afraid of everything from seaweed to tubing on the lake, I understood exactly where she was coming from.  Her counselor and I tried to explain to her that it was going to be really fun and that she had nothing to be afraid of. She bursted into tears. She did not want to go and she was going to throw a tantrum before she got on that tube.

I sat down next to Hannah on the seat and had her look at me.  "Hannah," I said, "why don't you want to go tubing?" "I just don't want to go. I'm really scared and I really don't want to." After calming her down a little bit I tried to find out what she was afraid of. I couldn't really get a straight answer, but it seemed like she may have had some not so fun tubing experiences in the past.  I reassured her I would drive very slow, and that she would not fall off. Still not making much progress, I started to explain to her that she would be so glad after she tried it. She didn't really believe me. Then her barn-mates began to tell her some verses and that Jesus was going to be with her. They are also seven. It was so neat to see those little girls encouraging their friend to do something she was scared of. We still weren't making a whole lot of progress, so I said, "Hannah, this is what we are going to do." I told her she was going to go on the tube with her counselor, we would go very slow, and she could count to 60, a whole minute, and if she absolutely hated it she could get off after that.  "Do I have to?" "Yes." Through a little bit more convincing, and promising that she would not fall off, she finally got on the tube with her counselor.  I have never driven anything that slow in my entire life. But Hannah was tubing!! And loving it! She was beaming from ear to ear. And believe it or not, she didn't tell me she wanted to get off after 60 seconds. I don't even think she counted. That little seven year-old conquered a huge fear.

After that run she climbed back in the boat amongst praises of how brave she was and how proud we all were of her.  She got back in and said "yeah, it was fun, but I don't think I want to do it again." Darn. Well I don't know what happened during our snack time, but afterwards we went out to tube again. And she was ready to go again! She jumped on the tube with her counselor and another kamper and once again told me to go slow. We started out slow, but little by little I would pick up some speed. The whole time Hannah was still beaming. Yelling and laughing and having a great time. I finally got up to full speed and was cruising around the lake. She loved it. Every bit of it. Hannah did not want to get off that tube. She rode the whole 20 minute ride back to kamp with two girls from her barn.  Once we got back she told her other counselors, "I rode the longest ride ever!" Praise the Lord. That seven-year-old is now able to conquer her fears.

This is definitely one of the neatest things that has happened so far.  Hannah not only put all of her trust in a plastic tube and a Honda powered boat, but she put her trust in her counselor and in me. To know that she trusted us enough to allow us to help her conquer her fears was the coolest experience.  It gave me a lot of encouragement to realize that fear is simply a method of the enemy to keep us from experiencing all that God has for us. What a great reminder. Stop living in fear. No matter where life currently has you, realizing that your creator made you to be bold and courageous! Rest in that fact today!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9