Rebekah

I did not realize how much I love Rebekah, Isaac's wife, until now.  She is quite the strong woman.  And I think I have gained a little bit of perspective on her deceitful act later in her life.

When Rebekah decides to go with Abraham's servant to become Isaac's wife, she is not only leaving her home, but her family and everything familiar in her life.  There was no way of communicating with her family once she left, and it wasn't likely she would see them again (I just tried to look up how far it was, fail.  But lets be real, its not like she is about to jump on a camel and head there for a weekend).

Not only was it brave of her to leave her family, but she was agreeing to marry a man she had never seen.  I understand how normal that was at the time, but I know I would be very leery to do the same.

Then Rebekah is barren.  This is only briefly mentioned in saying that Isaac was praying for her because she was barren.  But then God, seemingly immediately, answers his prayer.  If I know anything, I know the answer to this prayer could not have been immediate.  Meaning that Rebekah dealt with a season of barrenness.  This is such a horrible situation for a woman to endure.  If she could not provide Isaac with a child she was worthless to him.  No worth and no future.  There I times I have walked those feelings, and it is an incredibly dark place.

But then God opens her womb and allows her to conceive, not one, but two sons!  But then, sweet Rebekah has a terribly painful pregnancy.  Genesis 25:22 "The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, 'Why is this happening to me?"  The Hebrew word she uses is one that is used in a sense of despising and expressing contempt.

Have I walked in her shoes!  Oh how I have said those same words! I have been dealing with migraines my whole life.  In the past two years they have reached an unbearable frequency.  I've tried so many things and now I am on an unbelievably difficult nutritional plan.  I have even stopped running all together (hence why there was no celebratory post about the Chicago marathon I had already signed up for).  It has been incredibly difficult. Dark, and hopeless at times.  No, I do not get one every day, but getting between three and four migraines a week qualifies as dealing with chronic pain.  I cannot tell you how many times I have yelled and cried and pleaded with God to take it away, feeling like I cannot take getting one more.  I'm still totally lost.  I still have no idea how to change or help this situation, when nothing seems to be working.  "Why is this happening to me?"

The Lord answers Rebekah.  He explains to her that the children in her womb are two great nations.  He promises her a future.  He gives a once barren woman a glimpse into the future of her offspring.  I am certain it helped her get through her difficult pregnancy.

So what about those of us who haven't seen a direct glimpse of our future? What if God doesn't come down and speak to me directly about my issue.  What am I supposed to cling to? There is plenty of scripture that comes to mind. But in this moment I simply need confirmation.  Since I can't see it for my own life I need to remember how faithful God has been in my past, and to His people in the past.  Genesis has been a great reminder of that.  I wish there was an easy fix, a guarantee.  God wants me to trust him with my future.  And that is a conscience decision I am going to have to choose to make every day.

I'm not making this up!

I have been reading through the Bible chronologically since September with my high school small group.  We started in Genesis, then at chapter 11 switched to Job.  Job was tough.  But we made it through! Now we are back in Genesis and I am just eating it up.  The Lord is revealing so much more than I have ever seen before.  I'm so excited!

Genesis 18:1-15

God sends messengers to Abraham (Abram and Sarai received new names, and are now called Abraham and Sarah).  The messengers speak from the Lord and tell Abraham that by the same time the next year, Sarah will have a child!  I mean great news right! But Sarah doesn't believe him.  

It has always been difficult for me to understand why it is such a big deal when people (me) don't believe what God promises.  

When I tell a friend something true, and they laugh at me and tell me there is no way it is possible, I get very offended.  I want to shake them and say "Hello! Why would I make this up!??!!"

God must have a similar reaction.  I can't believe why Sarah didn't believe that she would have a child, yet I can sit here and not believe things God promises to me every day.  Like forgiveness, provision, protection.  I still try to give Hagar to Abraham and do things my own way.  

Lord Jesus, help me overcome my unbelief.  Its not like you have a history of lying to me!

A Bigger Purpose

Reading through Genesis has been so great.  It has solidified how much I need to simply trust God and his promises.

Genesis 15 is when God makes a covenant with Abram.  Abram is worried about his future, about the fact that another man's son will be his heir.  But God makes a promise to Abram saying, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars--if in fact you can count them. So shall your offspring be." Then it says that "Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness."  Just for simply believing God's plan for his future Abram is counted righteous.

Later in the chapter God goes into detail about the future of Abram's descendants. He tells Abram about the slavery of the Israelites in Egypt, but also of their deliverance.  God promises Abram that his children will return to the land he has promised, but not until the fourth generation.

This is what hit me so strongly this time.  Verse 16 says "In the fourth generation your descendants will come back here, for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure."

God was waiting to bring the Israelites back from Egypt until the sin of the Amorites had "reached its full measure" so the Israelites could wipe them out.

God's plan has so many factors. Factors that I cannot even begin to comprehend or understand. The Israelites were in captivity in Egypt for 400 years! They had to wait patiently for God's deliverance so that God could carry out every aspect of his plan.

Oh if I could only have a greater understanding of God's plan.  I spend so much time concerned about what I think is significant, when it turns out to be only minute  details.  God's glory should be my ultimate purpose.  My faith is so fragile, that I feel abandoned when I am in captivity.  In reality, God is waiting for the perfect time to wipe out his enemies and bring glory to himself.

The How

I was reading in Genesis 12 the other day.  It is a familiar story, but I was struck with the weight of it.

Abram is called by God and travels to Canaan.  During his journey there is a famine in the land so he travels to Egypt for a while to live there because the famine is so bad.  He has his wife Sarai say that she is Abram's sister. Sarai is beautiful and Abram fears that Pharaoh will kill him and take Sarai as his wife.  

Pharaoh does take Sarai as his wife, but also blesses Abram with sheep and cattle, donkeys, and servants.  However, Pharaoh's household is inflicted with serious diseases because of Sarai.  Pharaoh is very upset and quickly sends Abram and Sarai away.

God promised Abram a future and called him to a new land.  There is a famine in the land and Abram decides to go to Egypt where there is food.  If God had called him, did he not believe that God would provide food for him during a famine? God did not tell Abram to go to Egypt. Abram takes the "how" of his future into his own hands.  Then Abram does not trust God with the "how" of the safety of himself and his family.  He decides to come up with his own plan for his safety and ends up making a fool of himself.  

I certainly identify with Abram.  I so often feel like I am responsible for the "how" of my future.  Yes, God may have called me to something very specific, but I seem to believe that I am responsible for getting myself there.  In my distrust I just end up looking foolish.  

God does not go back on his promises and he will provide for the how.  I need to stop trying so hard!

the greatest thing to ever happen to my running

Last weekend I ran six miles.

I woke up early because I had a busy day and got out the door.
Approximately seven minutes into my run I felt very dehydrated. And it was hot. It was 9:00 am and already 70 degrees.  Normally I run in the evening and have all day to hydrate.

So that wasn't fun.

Then around mile 2.5 I started to feel a blister forming on my left heel.  I walked up a hill (because I was dehydrated and about to die) which only made the blister worse.

I couldn't run fast because I was dehydrated and I couldn't walk because it felt like someone was twisting a knife around in my heel.

So I inched along and finished my six miles in 74 minutes.


After complaining about my blister for the next 15 hours my dad suggested that I wear two pairs of socks. Something about the way the friction in your shoe is redistributed to the socks instead of your skin. Hm . . .

Today I ran seven miles.  I ran in the afternoon and felt like a million bucks because I was hydrated.

There were no knives twisting around in my heel today, because I had on two pairs of socks!

It was a stinking amazing run! Seven miles in 68 minutes.


What I learned:

1. Hydrate.
2. Wear two pairs of socks
3. Dad is a genius.

Stealing My Heart

I honestly cannot believe all that has happened in the last year. It is so far from what I anticipated as I walked across the stage in Thompson Boling Arena in my cap and gown last December.

There was one thing in particular I planned to do, and that was get involved at Fellowship Bible Church and lead a high school small group.  That was probably the only thing I expected. What I didn't expect was for 14 fifteen-year-old girls to completely steal my heart.

At camp this fall

At our awesome Princess Party

Playing on the trampoline at our sleepover

I have learned so much watching these precious girls grow in their walks with the Lord and their relationships with each other. It has only been eight months, but it feels like I have known these girls forever.  I cannot imagine life without them. And I know I cannot leave Nashville until the summer of 2015.

Valentine's Day

Another Valentine's Day is lurking around the corner.
My earliest memories of Valentine's day are those from Elementary school. The days I was petrified to accidentally give a boy in the class a Barbie themed card that said "I love you" or "Be Mine". I was careful to give those only to my girl friends. I strategically plotted out who in the class deserved which special saying. My dad helped us make the greatest Valentine boxes. The greatest ones being my brother's, shaped like a train engine or a car.
My first horrid Valentine experience was when a boy in the class addressed my Valentine to "Missie". I was mortified! I could not believe someone would spell my name that way.

I don't remember many Valentine's from middle school and high school. I know for a few years I wore pink, but always said "I should've worn black today" to my friends. I always tried to act like the girl that didn't care about love and thought it was dumb. Clearly a defense mechanism. It was simply a way for me to guard my emotions against feeling sorry for myself that there wasn't a boy in my life. It was how I coped with feeling invisible, how I delt with wanting an Aaron Carter look-a-like to surprise me with flowers.
My parents always made Valentine's day special. Mom would put little chocolates and notes in my lunch, Dad would get my sister and I flowers, and I am thankful for that. They helped me understand that life was not about boys and trying to be noticed. They told me that I was special and loved and that is all I really needed.
Valentine's Day of my senior year of high school is one to remember. I headed to my locker after one of my classes and was thrilled at what I saw! A beautiful bouquet of flowers and a precious stuffed bear croweded in amongst my backpack and books. Sweet mom. She knew that I needed to be surprised and feel special. My brother had my locker combination and put the flowers in at some point during the day. Yes, as a 17 year old girl I will admit I was disappointed that they were from my mom instead of a boy. But I still had flowers on Valentine's day, and I knew I was special.
Every single Valentine's Day in college I hoped for a flawless bouquet of one dozen bright red roses to show up at my apartment door . Much to my disappointment, no such flowers ever surfaced.


And now, here I am. Twenty-three years-old. Gearing up to face another Valentine's Day.

There is nothing bad about Valentine's Day. It just makes me hope for something I don't have. A hope that isn't quenched by dinner with my girlfriends or flowers from my dad. I love those things, but its like buying an imitation Coach purse from China Town. You know its fake, and when the excitement of back rooms and sketchy vans wears off, you still don't have a designer purse.

I swing from one extreme to the other. Attempting to convince myself that I absolutely do not need a man to improve my quality of life. Wishing I had someone tall enough to wear my four inch heels with. Flooding my thoughts with scripture that God has a plan for my life which may or may not include being married. Reminding myself of all of the guys who have crossed my path and why I'm thankful I didn't just "follow my heart." Blaring Kelly Clarkson from my ipod as I run off my frustration and confusion. Knowing and believing that Jesus, by Himself, can show me how unconditional his love is for me.

After all that, I always end up right in the middle, hoping for flowers.